The other day while visiting the zoo, Mia decided to have the meltdown of all meltdowns. A tantrum of epic proportions. It began with her not wanting to see the monkeys, which then escalated to screaming and crying over visiting the koalas. I mean who doesn’t like koalas? It didn’t make any sense at all.
I tried to continue on, but she just got worse and worse. To make things even more awesome, we were fairly far into the zoo, in fact almost at the farthest point away from the parking lot.
Lucky me. I got to walk back across the entire zoo with a 3-year old yelling,“PICK ME UP! PICK ME UP! Whimper. Whine. PICK ME UP! Whimper louder. Whine just a little louder. Escalating to an ear deafening, PICK ME UP! MY LEGS HURT! PICK ME UP! MOMMY!”
All the while, she was doing this “stamp your feet and kick the air dance” that rivaled any small tornado. Her tiny fist clenched. Face red. It’s no wonder her legs hurt.
It was the kind of tantrum that was embarrassing. The kind that people without kids think, “What kind of mom is that? Shame on her for letting her kid behave that way. I would never let that happen.” While those folks with children passed by and secretly thought, “Thank God, it’s not us today.” They know.
I pushed forward and kept walking to the car with a small screaming human following behind me.
It was a face off. It was a battle of wills. She wanted to win, but so did I.
So, I did what all moms do, I accessed my mommy superpowers. The special powers that allow moms to do amazing things when it comes to parenting our children.
I dug deep and pulled out my “Force Field of Infinite Patience and Calm.” Cloaked in my superpower, I felt instantly better. I walked with my head high through the zoo, knowing full well we were quite a spectacle.
As we walked by, even the tiger got up and went into his cave. She was that loud.
My only success that day were not giving into her tantrum and getting her safely into the car. I handed Mia her favorite blanket and watched her fall asleep before we left the zoo parking lot.
When I asked her later why she cried so much, she simply said, “I was frustrated.” Nothing more, nothing less.
This experience got me thinking about mommy superpowers. So, I decided to share my top ten with you:
1. “Mommy Psychic Powers” – I can feel my children. Their presence. Their soul. They are part of me. This power allows me to know if something is wrong. A feeling I should call the school comes over me, I call only to find out my daughter has a fever. No, I can’t talk to dead people, but I certainly know if my children are in need.
2. “Extraordinary Human Strength and Endurance” – Pregnancy. Childbirth. Then choosing to do it all over again. Once the kids were bigger, the ability to carry said small child for a very long time without rest. Additional points are given for when the child is kicking and yelling.
3. “Enhanced Super Psychic Hearing” – I hear the everyday niceties like “I love you,” “The toilet is overflowing again,” or “She’s looking at me!” However, Super Psychic Hearing is used when things go quiet, too quiet. What’s going on in the next room? Why is that door closed? I can hear it before it happens. I can hear my kids thinking about doing something naughty.
4. “Personal Force Field of Infinite Patience and Calm” – A deep calmness flows; it envelops me, so I can tolerate anything with my head held high. It is kid proof in it’s highest form and cannot be broken. Extremely useful in grocery store tantrums or zoo meltdowns, as noted earlier.
5. “Defensive Psioplasmic Bio-Field” – This is actually a X-Men super power, however I think it sounds more like the ability to deal with gross events in our children’s lives. Blood. Barf. Poop. Boogers. I am convinced, all moms have a bio-field that protects us from germs and keeps us from running in the other direction when the gross factor is high.
6. “Invisible Plane” – Just kidding, not a super power. Although, sometimes I think it would be handy to have an invisible plane for my personal use. A quick jaunt to a spa in Napa would be lovely in my invisible plane and give me the super power of rejuvenation. I also think Wonder Woman probably would have rocked as a mom. Her Lasso of Truth would have been really useful with teenagers.
7. “Lightening Bolt Speed” – This proves exceptionally helpful if your kid runs into the street to chase a ball. It’s amazing how fast I can move and grab my child before she even gets off the sidewalk.
8. “Psychometry” – The ability to learn things about the past or future by touching an object. All kids leave a unique signature. Who cut up all the paper and threw it on the floor? (Mia) Who colored all the seashells with markers? (Ava) Who decorated the dog with jewels? (Ava) Who brought a slug in the house? (Mia) My psychometry is so good; I only have to look at the deed to know who did it. No confessions required.
9. “The Healer” – Both a physical and mental ability. Bandager of small cuts and scrapes. Comforter of tears. Possessing a heart that knows no boundaries and can make the most frightened or sad child feel safe and happy with just a hug and a kiss.
10. “Insomnipathy” – I made this up. However, only a mom can truly understand what kid driven sleep deprivation feels like. I remember the first year after my second child was born. I would get up with the kids at dawn, feed the kids, dress the kids, drive the kids to school, work a full day at the office, and turn around and do it all all over again. All on less than three hours of sleep. For days and weeks on end. Insomnipathy causes a slightly euphoric rush with a dash of desperation at the thought of never sleeping again. Highly productive state.
Who knew having children would manifest into mommy superpowers. I certainly didn’t expect it.
So my question is, what are your superpowers?